I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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