So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Dicks are not precious.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
