Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Randomize
