Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Randomize
