i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
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