I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
