Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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