im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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