When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
