My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize