Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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