do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
