you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
