And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
