I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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