Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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