I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
sick fucks of a feather flock together
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
