More tranny stories later!
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
