i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
