I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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