There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
