i wish my penis had a tongue
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
