I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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