i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Randomize
