Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
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