Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
