Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
We left an ass print on the piano.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
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