Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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