sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Randomize
