he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
Randomize
