I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Randomize
