Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Randomize
