so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
