Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Randomize
