Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Randomize
