I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
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