i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Randomize
