So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I want to fling myself into the sun
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Randomize
