Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Randomize
