oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
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