They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Randomize
