So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
