Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Randomize
