Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
