kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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