Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I need to align my fucking chakras
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
