I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Randomize
