Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Randomize