Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
