Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
