Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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