Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize
