I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
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