i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
