Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
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