I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Randomize
