Where is the hickey?
No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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