I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
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