That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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