I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
