Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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