I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
