Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
