There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize