I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
