I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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