after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
