My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
I skipped work to stalk him.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Randomize
