i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
